How to Change Your Internal Narrative

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

-Romans 12

So, what really is an internal narrative? Well, it’s the voice you are using to read this sentence right now. Yes, that one. The same voice narrating our lives, telling us stories that our brains generate - a waking dream - the constant chatter that keeps us ruminating in the past and future, and our inner “judge”. We listen to this voice and trust it, whether the story is helpful or not - whether it is right or wrong. Our minds are shaped and trained throughout our childhood and beyond by our family, our culture, our religions, to have certain ways of thinking and being - and to believe whatever this voice tells us. We must recognize the fact that our internal voice only tells stories - that is all it can do! Our internal narratives are often not helpful nor accurate. We are conditioned to not question them, to identify with them, and to believe our ways of thinking, feeling, and doing. The false belief that we are our thoughts is the greatest source of our unhappiness – YOU are NOT completely defined by your thoughts and emotions. Yes, they are a part of you, but only a part! You are many other things including the observer - the quiet listener of your sometimes neurotic and anxious mind. By quietly listening, in a curious and open manner, you can learn about your inner voice - and lead it to a more healthy pattern. Is this practice easy? No. Simple and absolutely achievable for anyone? Yes!

Metacognitive practices such as meditation, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction have repeatedly and widely been proven to decrease stress/anxiety, depression, addictions, and increase mood stability, social connections, meaning in life, self-esteem, and overall well-being. Each one is a different practice, but fundamentally all involve the practice of awareness – to be objectively, non-judgmentally, and intentionally aware in the moment, noticing our thoughts and emotions with the purpose of nudging them into a healthier realm. These practices can be daunting for a lot of people, especially when our first attempt to sit quietly results in our Monkey Brain running wild with judgmental or stress-induced thoughts of the past or future. But just as with acquiring any great skill - it takes time, daily practice, honesty, and self-compassion. The Buddhist analogy of a Monkey Brain during meditation can be helpful because it recognizes we all have one, but it can be tamed. We are both the Monkey Brain (Automatic System) and Monkey Tamer (Reflective System) or to reference The Happiness Hypothesis, we are both the wild elephant and the elephant trainer - the mahout. Aristotle also used the analogy of our minds being both the horses AND the charioteer. The goal of these metacognitive practices is not for one side to rule the other, but for both sides to work in harmony towards improving our mental lives for the betterment of not only ourselves, but for all humanity.

A helpful guide that can be used to change our internal narratives to be more skillful is the called the 4 C’s of Healthy Change: being Conscious, Calm, Critical, and Compassionate. Be Conscious: focus on your senses and surroundings; following your breath is a great guide to stay in the moment and activate your prefrontal cortex (i.e. executive brain) in order to slow down and reason with your thoughts. Be Calm: watch your thoughts with an objective point of view without identifying with each one. Staying relaxed without forcing effort will ease your anxiety and allow you to be more open and accepting to the current moment. Be Critical: question your thoughts as if they are people — ask if they are being helpful or what they may be signaling about your internal needs. Being critical (in a non-judgemental manner) also treats your thoughts/feelings as data, as if you are the scientist analyzing your thoughts/feelings objectively in how they could be constructive. Be Compassionate: arguably the most important step because we so often judge ourselves without knowing discernment. Treat yourself as you would your own child - with love, compassion, and understanding. Realize that you are not inherently broken, but that you have unmet needs. Tend to your needs and provide the love for yourself that you deserve.